love me, then abuse me, then love me again...

The process of realising that you are being abused, takes awhile. You may find it very difficult to believe that the person whom you love and who you believe loves you, would hurt you. We get into a relationship with dreams of "happy ever after"; that this person would protect me from harm, be there for me, hugs and caress me constantly and always always make me feel loved.

Your abuser is not a monster all the time. Sometimes they can be so charming that you start telling yourself that, maybe, you do deserve his or her ill treatment. Maybe it is you who was not up to his (or her) standard (you would think) or maybe something happened at his office and "i am the nearest person whom he can vent to", or maybe he (or her) did not know how to express his frustration or maybe...maybe..maybe..and so on and so forth that you keep coming up with excuses for your abuser. And he/her blames everything and everybody under the sun, except him/herself, for his/her behaviour.

And after his/her outbursts, which can be physically or emotionally damaging to you, he/her will ask for your forgiveness and to show how remorseful he/she is, you are presented with a gift or get taken out for a lovely expensive dinner.

And then, you start to notice a pattern...

... and you wait anxiously for the next explosion ... he/she finds fault with everything that you do... and then...BAM!!

...repeatedly.

The only thing that can stop this pattern of behaviour is when you and the abuser want it stopped. Otherwise, it will continue until the balance of power dynamics between the partners, become more equal or someone gets hurt or dies.